#like no. it's actively fucking worrying for a LOT OF PEOPLE

[crypticsesh]

✨✨✨ Currently dealing with this at work. I've been disabled 10+ years and this is the first job I've had to have FMLA paperwork filed. I have to constantly think about how my actions outside of work can cause a flare up and take me out of work.

With my current job I now have to weigh literally every single thing I do outside of work to try and ensure I don't cause a flare up that'll result in my having to call out.

Obviously flare-ups happen regardless of how careful you are with your body. I am constantly stressing about if I'll be fired or let go.

I'm already dealing with retaliation from my call outs due to flare-ups. I'm given VERY VERY limited work to do because admin can't, "guarantee my attendance at work" - so I'm literally sitting at work doing nothing most of the day. Which I guess a lot of people would love, but I despise not working while I'm physically at work. Stupid fucking work ethic being drilled into me as a child has nothing to do with my current anxiety over being disabled and not being able to work the way I want or when I want.

I want to be able to enjoy my days off and my personal time after work...but I feel like I can't. I feel as if the moment I start enjoying an activity or outing or anything...it'll cause a flare up and I'll have to call off. It's fucking horrendous wanting to do something and knowing you'll suffer for it afterwards.

I hate that I feel like I can't enjoy my life without having to worry about recovery time and in the same breath worry about losing my job.

It's so frustrating

physically disabled people should be allowed to do activities that might cause a flare up or illness without other people acting like the time they need to recover is no longer owed to them.

[starkenobi]

Demonic Domination | chapter one: lo hecho está hecho.

masterlist — demonic domination masterlist — prologue

Pairings: Natasha Romanoff x Reder; Bucky Barnes x Reader; Matt Murdock x Reader.

Summary: Y/N doesn’t classify herself as a vigilante or, as people on the internet say, an antihero. No, she’s just an occult detective with a fucking amnesia trying to create a new life beyond her secret mutant status. At first, she really tried to keep a normal civilian life, but it’s difficult when you’re rescued from a dark place by a man dressed as a mummy ninja calling himself Moon Knight. So, anyway, working as an occult detective makes her travel around the world, and it’s cool because it gives her a lot of stories… Until her feet touch New York grounds. It’s all downhill from there.

chapter warnings: none.

When Konshu announced that there was an important mission, Jake thought it would be another gang or a terrorist group, perhaps a theft of objects that humans shouldn't be playing with or even trafficking and clandestine sale of some artefact.

He expected everything except to find a house full of scientific paraphernalia and a girl locked in a dark room. A weapon in the wrong hands, Konshu said harshly, but Jake only saw a girl who had her life stolen and tortured.

A victim.

"Hey, I'm Moon Knight, I'll get you out of here, okay? Kid, can you hear me? Dammit, Steve, I can see she's unresponsive."

The young woman was covered in blood from head to toe, dried blood with clear signs of torture. It didn't take long to remove the iron chains that held her to the ceiling, but it took some work to get her out of the anklets, the shine and quality of the material indicating a high technology.

But nothing could be that simple with his missions. So, Jake felt several punctures in his abdomen and arms as soon as she was freed from the restraints. Red blades hit him with precision. Luckily, he was wearing the suit.

"Shit. She has powers. Couldn't you have warned us, Konshu?"

With no answers from the Egyptian god, with Steve talking too much in their headspace and Marc starting to get worried, Jake needed to act quickly before the situation really got out of control.

He tried to talk to the young woman once more, maybe calm her down with words before taking drastic measures. Maybe Steve could be right once again.

"We're here to help. You're safe now."

But when another red blade came out of the young woman and tried to hit him in the head, Jake knew there was no other option.

He muttered a somber "I'm sorry, kid." before knocking the young woman out in the head.

Sighing heavily, Jake picked her up and left that bizarre place. The night that had once been lit by the moon was now raining heavily, a clear sign of a sudden storm. Jake tried to ignore the strange feeling in his chest, but the news had confirmed that there’d be a week off of dry spell.

“What are we going to do now?” Steve asked in their headspace.

“I’ll put her in the taxi and take her home.” Jake declared.

“Home?” Marc repeated incredulously. “She needs a hospital and the police. We did our part.”

“Lo hecho está hecho.” Jake replied, putting an end to the discussion before it began. “We’re going to adopt the stray ​​while we don’t have answers, pendejo.”

—

Nothing like one day after another. A routine. No big news, the big gossip revolving around who ate whose sandwich that was in the office fridge or that the dog peed on someone’s shoe again.

From Monday to Friday there was no possibility of anything unexpected happening. Everything was safe. Full of rules. Monotonous to the extreme. A 9am to 4pm job, with about an hour for lunch, and the possibility of several trips to get a coffee.

Without the risk of dealing with angry customers since that was the most isolated part of the department. The actual activity was spent the whole day holed up in an office making calls, writing and reviewing paperwork before the deadline. While it’s good that the amount of paper's decreasing, thanks to technology, spending hours on a computer tired her eyes.

Anyway, was it possible to die from being exhausted from the same old thing? Sure, tired from so much work and the same old thing.

She was tempted to shout 'fire' and risk the work safety rules just to get some reaction on that fateful friday. It was at times like that that she, unfortunately, had to agree with Marc. Taking that job was a terrible idea.

Okay, she was making money fast, but at what cost?

However, she couldn't take other people's opinions into consideration, since Marc didn't know anything about the adult life of a mere mortal. Steven, fine, worked at the museum. Jake, maybe, he played cab driver sometimes. But Marc? Good heavens, Marc lived in a reality where his so-called weekly job was to be the fist of a naked bird!

“Necromancer, you can't keep avoiding your destiny.”

“Shit.” Y/N hissed under her breath as she spilled some of her coffee on the office desk, luckily not getting any paper dirty. “I'm bored, but it's not that deep.”

Frowning, she controlled herself from turning in the direction of the voice. It's best to pretend she didn't know it was there so it would go away quickly.

She then glanced discreetly at the computer screen, finding a slightly disfigured lady standing right behind her chair, hovering a few inches off the floor.

Sighing heavily, Y/N finished cleaning up the spilled coffee before drinking the liquid from the mug again. The visits were becoming more frequent, perhaps it was time to change jobs once again.

“Necromancer.”

“Fuck.” Y/N cursed impatiently.

Ignoring the looks from her coworkers, she got up in a hurry, walking to the kitchen in long strides. Pouring the rest of the coffee into the sink, she washed the mug giving up on caffeine.

Knowing that there would be no point in staying there working overtime, she went back to her desk to turn off her computer and grab her bag. She said goodbye to the group still in the office, quickly heading towards the emergency staircase. Going down the five flights of stairs with ease, it didn't take long to reach the small lobby.

She kept her pace fast until she passed through the door, stopping only after she reached the corner of the street to debate if it was better to go home walking or running.

“Necromancer, there’s no point in avoiding your fate.”

“Stop trying to collect a debt that doesn’t belong to me!” Y/N hissed, finally facing the spirit that was still following her.

“Do you really not remember, necromancer?”

She frowned, finding the question confusing. The spirits' behavior was becoming increasingly odd, and she wasn't sure how to feel about it. Before she could retort, the spirit disappeared in a blur at the same time she heard footsteps behind her.

“What are you doing standing here alone, bug?”

Turning around, she came face to face with Steven. “Huh, was trying to remember if I left the charger at the office before I went home for good.”

“If you say so,” Steven arched a brow, offering to hold her bag.

“What are you doing here, by the way?” Y/N asked, holding one of his arms before starting to walk again. “Came to make sure that I’m crossing the street safely?”

“Why do you make me feel like a senior father?” Steven lamented, allowing to be pulled by her in the direction of their apartment.

“Cause you guys decided to bring the ‘three men and a baby’ with a twist to real life?” She fired back, a smug smile on her face.

Steven flashed her a huge smile back. “Marc's saying that Jake's a terrible influence on you.”

“He's just saying that because I called him daddy in front of Layla.”

“What?”

“Oh, you didn't know?” Y/N smirked, knowing full well that Marc was still embarrassed. “Saw him trying to dismiss a woman at the door, so I called him daddy to make her uncomfortable and leave. But lo and behold, it was actually Layla.”

“Oh, that's hilarious.” Steven wheezed from how hard he's laughing.

“C'mon, less laughing and more walking.” She sassed him. “Wanna finish our Star Wars marathon this weekend.”

—

Do you really not remember?

Do you remember?

Open your eyes.

Remember.

Remem-

Y/N woke up with a start.

Trying to catch her breath, she noticed the sun had disappeared and the moon shone brightly in the sky. Shit. She fell asleep without planning to.

“My love.”

Y/N’s mind stuttered to a halt, before launching into motion as she quickly turned towards the female’s voice. “Fuck!”

“Eloquent as always, I see,” the woman said.

“Who the fuck are you?” Y/N hissed, grabbing the first thing within reach – her umbrella.

The woman raised her hands, a melancholic smile on her slips. “I was hoping my messengers were wrong, but it really seems you've forgotten.”

“I won't ask you again,” she growled.

“I have many names, some call me Rio.” the woman answered, her voice sweet as honey. “But you, my love, you know me as Death.”

“What?”

“I'm sorry, my love, I know now that you don't have your memories,” the woman, Death, smiled sweetly as she stepped closer. “But we have things to discuss now that you're free.”

Stood frozen, Y/N utterly stunned. “What?”

Death chuckled, snapping her fingers to make the umbrella disappear so she could hold Y/N's hands. “You've made an oath, my love, a long time ago.”

And I came to collect it.

Demonic Domination officially started! You'll notice some references from the mcu and the comics, I'm cooking something here and I really hope you guys like it! The first chapter is the last bit of introduction. So buckle up! From now on, we're going to start the real deal: following around the occultist detective and her harem Y/N Constantine and the gang.

comments, reblogs and likes are welcomed and appreciated! thank you for reading and supporting my writing 💜

follow the tag #starkenobi writing and #demonic domination

[unopenablebox]

im making a wedding guest list in order to. uh. destress. from work anxiety. (we are not officially engaged yet in that we are waiting for our rings to arrive sometime this month and also do not even a little have a wedding date and have not figured out a budget yet. so it's a very stupid exercise. but. i can do whatever i want)

anyway im beginning to worry that i only have two friends? i suppose it's actually good because that will cost less but possibly i have some kind of disease or condition

[aibouart]

admittedly, i am afraid to talk about this, but have wanted to for a long while. i don't see a lot of people discuss this kind of thing, but i decided to do so for the me who was struggling and didn't know. also i have no idea where i am going with this and it's very late for me rn so here's a whole ass ramble on vent art. and also a bit more on how it's impacting how i view my art, now. i am terribly sorry if it's not very cohesive, my thoughts on it aren't yet cohesive either WOOPS

i wanted to talk a bit about how vent art really impacted my mental health, and how the idea that art needs some kind of meaning to have meaning really has been weighing on me lately (i know this is a concept i am assigning to my work and is not actually the norm/standard expectation of others consuming art. but it IS a sentiment i have seen enough that does impact me).

i want to specify, obviously i am not saying vent art is bad.

nor that doing vent pieces, or vent blogs, will ultimately result in what i went through for a number of years. rather, that this did happen to me, and there is a near impossible chance i am a unique case in any experience i will ever have. if you do vent art and it helps you, that's good! im not judging anyone for anything here. if your experience does not match my own, that's what it's like to be human~. i am not invalidating anyone on purpose by sharing my own experience. sorry for the insane disclaimer but it will eat me alive if i go to sleep thinking "what if they think x cuz i didn't say y and think im a terrible person"

---

i used to do vent art frequently (you won't find much on here as it was uploaded to a personal at the time). anytime i felt down or had a line of dialogue in my head making me feel bad in a way, i would draw for it. but the way i had interacted with it was really unhealthy. it became a terrible feedback loop where i'd feel bad, draw how i felt bad, look at the art, and ruminate even more on how i felt bad, until it spiralled so out of control i would lose touch with reality and get lost entirely in feeling like garbage.

i would just get so lost in the cycle with vent art that it would make my mental space worse and worse, and i would use the vent art as a negative confirmation bias. the words that hurt me i wrote down and anytime i looked again, they would hurt me again. but i would keep looking, and i would keep drawing.

i have always used art as an outlet, but for some reason the way vent art impacted me was unhealthy. it wasn't a good outlet. and it took me years to cut ties with it. i relied on vent art for a long time, but it took a lot of introspection and thinking to realise it wasn't the release i thought it was. and it was hard to let go, too.

i haven't touched the blog in a few months, now. i haven't done much vent art at all since then and genuinely, i've been doing SOOO much better. i no longer ruminate nearly as much as i had done so, i no longer get caught in a feedback loop that lasts for days to weeks. i still feel like garbage like people tend to do, but i don't put myself in a cycle over it anymore. i have gone back to it a few times in moments of desperation, but what used to be every week/every few weeks is now once a month maybe. and not to the extent at all (i would oftentimes post ~20 images in one night, before).

but i keep thinking about how, while the way i had done vent art was bad for my mental health, i keep feeling that just because i do sparkly cute and happy drawings, now, or drawings with no real meaning, that my art has nothing beyond face value... i do like a lot of my vent art. i think their compositions, or hidden messages and meanings, or colour use, was interesting.

but it wasn't worth the price for me.

so i am a bit caught in an in-between, here. my favourite form of art is the expression of love-you liked something so much, you dedicated time to draw it. and yet i cannot ascribe that to my own work very often. i think that man i wish i could make art with some kind of deeper meaning, that speaks to people, that's more than just pretty colours or shiny shading or a character everyone likes, or a character i like. but i just... don't know if it's for me.

ultimately, i could develop a healthy relationship with expressing and exploring negative emotions or experiences through art, but... do i want to? do i have to? do i need to? is it not enough to just draw something because... i like it..?

of course, the answer is yes, draw what you want, draw how you want, it's your art. but i am still trying to come to terms with that idea. i dont want to be seen as some shallow artist who just draws what's cute and pretty because they can and it's all they can think of, but like what if that's just what i like to draw??

in the end, that alone is good enough, drawing because you like to, because it's fun, because you like the thing you're dedicating time to creating for. it's just hard to grapple with after discarding a type of art that i felt was the only way i drew "for real".

anyways i am sorry this is soooo fucking long, and for all the clarifications (IM STILL NOT SAYING VENT ART BAD AND EVERYONE WILL DO WHAT I DID!! Dx) and the fact i had no real point here (probably)

anyways i will continue to draw what i want because i like to, as i have always been.

[irrealisms]

every time I see a “it’s actually totally fine and nbd to have sex you don’t enjoy and are uncomfortable with because your partner wants it and you want them to be happy, as long as you’re giving uncoerced consent!” post I lose a month off my lifespan

[vvelegrin]

i'm really enjoying pathologic 2, actually. i mean, i didn't think i wouldn't enjoy it as much as i was worried it would just, i don't know, muddy the water. and maybe it will, but i'm not really bothered by that anymore. that said, i do think patho 2 took a fairly unsubtle game and increased its unsubtlety by about tenfold.

well. calling og pathologic 'unsubtle' doesn't feel quite right, but i'm not sure what word would feel right. maybe it's 'distinct in its sensibilities'. I think og patho felt more obtuse, whereas patho 2 is like. here. take it. do you get it. here is the information. do you see the themes. i am announcing them to you in such a way that you know that i am saying something thematic. i'm not far enough into the main story of 2 to be able to say that there's less reading between the lines, but it feels very much so far like there's less reading between the lines. whereas the original had a somewhat different... i don't know, affect? it felt like a hostile workplace where everyone recited shakespeare about even the mundane. in patho 2 nothing feels mundane in the first place, everything feels loaded in a way that og patho was but didn't feel, if that makes sense.

but i think that's okay. at the very least, it feels very much like leaning into the 'theater' aspect of it, which is enjoyable. pathologic 2 feels to me more like... bonus content? not to be Stuck Up For Pathologic HD but i enjoyed the feeling of grinding my face against a cinderblock, having to tease out information and conclusions. it felt like a game that you had to figure out, but you actually weren't really doing any ground-level figuring out of much; you're not a doctor, your character is, so the puzzle of Solving the Plague belongs to The Story, whereas the question of What the FUCK is This Town's Deal is your job. it's a very linear game in most respects, but all three playthroughs come through as a thematic package deal.

i so far get the impression that pathologic 2 can be played on its own and be enjoyed in its own right! however it exists to me as like. director's commentary. i'm really liking the playing with different character relationships and alternate things, the expanding of steppe language and the kin, love my worm guys, but i like it because of how it enriches my eternal mind rotation of og pathologic. sorry guys i played the original pathologic and it broke me and remade me in its image. sorry.

[ourceliumnetwork]

apparently we're not out of the woods on holiday trauma responses just yet - i'm hoping we're on the tail end of it but like. good lord.

[apostate-in-an-alcove]

Men spend so much time worrying about whether or not a child is biologically his and live in this fantasyland where men are tricked, on a grand scale, into raising children that aren't theirs meanwhile the fuckers don't actually contribute much into actual childrearing or any domestic labour around the household, even when the children in question are technically his.

[nyxofdemons]

okay okay. now that ive got the complaining out of my system i do need to say. i recognize that expecting this show to be brilliant all the time is unfair and it IS important to recognize that its really fundamentally a small dark comedy spin off show. in fact i think one of the main reasons this show GETS so much hate is because the long wait between episodes builds up high expectations and fans want it to be amazing and groundbreaking the whole time (ive actually briefly mentioned this before. there's a whole essay in my drafts abt this rn)

all of that said. i WAS deeply disappointed by the episode unhappy campers, but i also recognize this is an episodic situational comedy show, and i'm not gonna hold it against the show or anything. this is very rambly i just. i think its very good and useful to be able to recognize that this show really can be hit or miss and you can be disappointed with it without having to devolve into critic and anti territory (i previously said i still thought it was a good episode, just not for me, but i have since changed my mind. i do think it was a bad episode actually. there were... crumbs? of it? that i thought were really good? but barely and even at this episode's best, NONE of it feels on par with the rest of the show. but again, expecting this show's best to be the STANDARD is not fair.)

i really don't know where i'm going with this i just want to point this out i guess bc i have never REALLY complained about this show before and i don't wanna come across as pessimistic or anti. but i don't think this was a good episode at all and that's alright

[pestercide]

You ever just remember an artist that you used to follow but don't remember the username of and wonder what they're doin nowadays??

[seafoam-taide]

You know I thought for awhile that I was just a rare type of person who sure, liked people well enough but was okay being alone didn't necessarily need anyone and NO. NO. NO. OH MY GOD . YOU GIANT DUMBASS. NO HAHAHA NOOO NOPE

[aeide-thea]

still thinking abt the tumblrinx i encountered a while back whose pinned post said they were transmasc… and also demanded that men dni

like—i’m not confused by the convoluted not-like-the-other-boys doublethink that gets you there, i can follow the chain of illogic just fine, but i sure am deeply wearily depressed by it!

[lady-tortilla-chip]

.

[suffewingowo]

Oh therapy got me, CRYING crying today.

[marklikely]

i love the argument of "yes paying us money will work bc once we have enough money we can improve the site instead of focusing on growth" like. do they think we dont know what a corporation is.

[muirneach]

i would like to express three blanket statements for everyone in the notes:

- yes i obviously know that calling people ‘family’ is a way of referring the other queer people. this is evident in the fact that i used that fucking word in the post jesus christ guys you don’t need to try and inform me of this

- related, but this was a rhetorical post. i do not need advice on how to talk to people. i am involved with real life trans groups and am well versed in how to subtly talk to people. i literally made this post while on break from my bad customer service job after seeing multiple trans customers

- maybe this is a me problem but people having dysphoria from being seen as trans is sad to me. like i sorta get it but also hm maybe work on ur self hatred idk. being trans is a joy

reading comprehension questions:

consider the targeted demographic of this post. then consider, do you dislike this demographic? if so, please try changing your opinion or at least scroll away and stop bothering me about it

did the author make reference to old forms of queer communication? if so, it seems like he is familiar with the concept and perhaps refrain from informing the author about it

why might have the author, at first glance, described dysphoria as self hatred? did he really do this, or does he rather acknowledge that one facet of dysphoria stems from depression and deprecation? consider why someone might not want to be seen as trans. is it for safety reasons, or because they have yet to unlearn the perceived shame of being trans, or any other multitude of reasons? any reason is perfectly valid but one may wish to examine their opinions on the cis view of the trans body

seeing trans ppl in public is literally life giving. wish there was a normal way to express to other trans people in public that we’re family and that i love them